Youcef Nadarkhani

Youcef Nadarkhani with his wife and two children

I could never imagine living through the pain and suffering that this family is going through. Youcef is a Christian pastor in Iran who two years ago was arrested because of his belief in Jesus Christ. Just recently he has been sentenced to death by hanging. This sentence can be completed at anytime. It may be tomorrow or it may be two years from now. No one knows when. 

First I try to imagine being Youcef in a jail cell never knowing when the next sound will be the sound of the guard taking him out to be hanged. Does he have complete peace, ready to die, knowing that to be absent from the body is to be present with his Lord? Is he like Paul in the Bible, taking every opportunity to speak with those who are keeping him? Does he ever doubt that he chose the right course and think had he only renounced his faith he could be home with his family and believing in secret? Do they torture him regularly? Does he see his Savior and receive the strength he needs moment by moment?

Then I think of his wife. Would I have the strength to be like her? Day by day she lives, yet I imagine a part of her just doesn't live. It is just there. Can she bare the loneliness she feels as she lays in bed at night? Does her heart race at every knock on her door knowing one of those knocks will be that of someone coming to tell her it is over? Does she look at her two little boys and wonder if they too will follow in their father's footsteps? 

My heart aches. I know that if Youcef is hanged he has a special white robe waiting for him. I know that the Gospel will go forth. I know that God has a comfort for his wife that will cause her to be in perfect peace. 

But still my heart aches. Is this what it means that we are all part of one body? 

I keep Youcef's picture in my Bible so I will pray for him. But who am I?

New Years Resolutions

My new year resolutions didn't hold up so well this year. But that doesn't mean I quit. It just means I have to start over.I think the hardest one to keep is the exercising. Just not my cup of tea. But this week I have tagged along with Bob to the gym three times. Even if it was 10pm at night. Tonight I was just too tired. I had a very full day. But hopefully tomorrow he will go again and I will go whenever he goes. I don't like going by myself. When I am there I am not over zealous, but as he says, "Some is better than none."

I  do drink my green juice most mornings.  I really believe that it gives me the energy I have. And I like it. I can't seem to get anyone else to indulge though. They don't know what they are missing! This morning I had pineapple, spinach, carrot, celery and grapes in my juice.

Facebook is allowed for little bits of time. Mainly because I like seeing what my girls are up to. All four of them have interesting posts. I find out cute things that my grand-babies say. I try to decipher what Margaret and Allison are saying to each other.  That can be difficult at times.  And I find out what is going on ,on the other side of the world.

Lets see, What were the other resolutions? This doesn't look good if I can't remember what they are, does it.

hmmmmm. All right I need to look back...... Phew!

The last two, maybe I didn't remember them as resolutions because I am being successful.

Being more creative: I have designed my own pocketbook after being so tired of not being to find the perfect one in the store. And now I am designing a credit card holder for a friend who uses a sandwich bag for all her credit cards. Plus I am working on a very special afghan. It will belong to my fourth grand-baby.

And finally growing closer to Jesus. He is so good to me in that I am sure He saw my heart and is blessing me tremendously. Recently He just boldly reminded me how I didn't have to punish myself for my sin because He took the punishment for my sin when He died on the cross. This has been a big, big blessing for me. There is knowing something and then there is knowing something. And although I know He died on the cross for my sin, it just keeps getting more and more real to me. Maybe because I see more and more how much a sinner I am. But that is ok because He has taken care of it all. Amen?  Amen!

Well after this brief review I surprise myself! Its not so bad after all.

Does EFT conflict with my Spiritual Beliefs?

Before I began doing EFT I was concerned that it would take the place of dependency on God in prayer. Would I instead of praying run to this technique as my God or my Savior? I even voiced my concern to the woman who helped to learn what exactly I was doing. After several sessions I came to agree that the two don't compare. One is spiritual - relating to my God. While the other is physiological - dealing with a specific physical  reaction to pain. When I get a cold, I pray to God to intervene and heal me but I also will drink warm tea, take vitamin C and get plenty of rest. So when I  become afraid, I go to God but I also tap to slow down my adrenaline and release the emotional hairball I am building up. It is too soon to tell for sure how all this will affect me physically but one can be sure no matter what,

To God Be the Glory!

Scripture Hope

2Ti 1:7  

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;

but of power,

and of love,

and of a sound mind.

This is the verse I have been holding onto this week.

Fear

I really want to write a post about fear because it is a very big part of living with TN. But I can't seem to get the feelings to come out into words. Sometimes the fear of the TN is worse than the TN itself. I can rationalize that this is wrong but changing the way I live is harder. Right now all is good. I have mild pain everyday and even some days without any pain. But then the pain will be just a little bit stronger and all the feelings of fear come right back. Will this pain get worse? Will the medicine stop working altogether? What if I have a big attack out in public? What if it doesn't stop? 

I know, you can tell me fear is the opposite of trust and when I fear I am not trusting God. And being a Christian this would be sin. And I can believe that when things are good. But when the fear grips me nothing makes sense.

My doctor says the fear is keeping me from letting my body heal. (up until recently I wanted to tell him that I didn't think my body would ever heal). He says we must address the fear. In reality I was grateful for this because when I tell people I am afraid for the most part they don't know what to say to me. Maybe I am being too honest with them or maybe they really don't know how to respond. So when my doctor said we had to deal with the fear to allow my body to heal I was glad.  Somebody was actually going to do something about my fear. 

He wanted me to learn a practice called EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique. I was game, actually looking forward to trying it. I wanted relief from the fear. So after about three weeks of practicing EFT am I still afraid? If I let myself become afraid, YES. But now I have something I can do when that first feeling comes into my mind and my heart starts to race. And so far it calms me down. 

New Year Coming

With the New Year just around the corner it is time for me to solidify what my New Year resolutions will be this year. I am a big fan of New Year resolutions because its a good way for me to get back on track doing things I really think I should be doing or doing things I want to be doing but never seem to get a chance to do. For example I really should be exercising but I struggle making it a habit and I really would like to try all those recipes that I have cut out of magazines but never have found the time to do it. 

This year I thought it would be great dear reader to put my resolutions down right here in front of you so I have some accountability. Not that anyone would really ask me how I am doing but I can organize my thoughts here. Here it goes. (Note that these are not necessary in order of importance).

1. Make a green drink for breakfast every time I am home for breakfast. I have been drinking carrots and kale and cucumber and the such every morning now for about a month and really do have more energy. Got to keep it up.
2. I tremble to write down this next one..........  Exercise. There I did it. My goal will be to go to the gym three times a week to stretch and work the elliptical. This is a major hurdle for me. I don't like going be myself. I don't like exercise clothes. I just don't like it. 
3. Purpose to know Jesus more for who He is and not just get caught up in the disciplines that help to do that. 
4. No Facebook. Time-waster.
5. Pursue ways that I can be more creative.

I have heard that one should not make too many or else it becomes too hard at trying to keep them. So this year I am stopping at 5 resolutions.

My reader it would be so interesting to see what you are resolved to do.  Am I the only one who makes these things?

Where am I today?

Its December 27th and I made it through Christmas seemingly pretty well. This party girl was prudent and didn't stay late on Christmas Eve, paced herself on Christmas day and relaxed the day after. And I am feeling pretty good. 

I went to my Chiropractor today. Our visits are going very well. Several weeks ago he gave me nutrition to take because he believes that I probably have infection on the right side of my face due to all the dental work I have had done in the past. About a week ago I began to have a different taste in my mouth. Alright I will be honest, it tastes like nasal mucus in my mouth. There is drainage going on somewhere. As hard as I look I cannot figure out where. My gums look healthy to me. Maybe this is more than you really want to know :) .

He also has been targeting my trigger points with some kind of sound machine. He turns on the machine and runs a wand over my face along the jaw bone. Where the sound becomes a very high frequency he stops and turns on another part of the machine and leaves it on my face for about thirty seconds. It feels like pins and needles to me. Then after thirty seconds he moves on to the next spot.

I also have light therapy. This machine looks like a flashlight which again he runs all along the side of my face and behind my ear. This is suppose to help with inflammation.  

Of course I also get the regular chiropractic treatment of a spinal and cranial adjustment. 

Bottom line: I am feeling better. I have good parts of my day now that I do not have any pain. And it has been a long time since that has happened. 

So here I am on December 27th feeling good.

Praise God!

pacing, pacing, pacing

I have got to pace myself. We all know that. If I do too much I am tired and hurting. Sometimes I can even break. Then its a long time till I am feeling better.

FRAGILE


I feel fragile inside. I am going to break and I know it. It is just a question of how much until I do.

A fight goes on inside me. I want to conquer the world, at least my little part. But I know the consequences.

There are things that demand my attention that I just can't let go by. I feel guilty and imposing to ask others to help. I always feel imposing. I don't want them to have to do that which is mine to do. But I can't do it all. There is the constant decision making of, "Is this something that really needs to be done or can I let it go?" How do I know?

There are the fun things. Most of the time I go to places tired. Or come home tired. I look back on trips we have taken and thoughts run through my head. "I was really tired when we went there!" or "That one wasn't so bad."


Yesterday, I was talking to a lady who lives about two hours away about making Hungarian Christmas cookies. She had shared a recipe and I needed clarification. As the conversation developed we talked about getting together next year to make Linder cookies. I would like to do this. She lives about two hours away. All I could think is how I could never do it. I could drive down there. Or I could spend the afternoon learning how to make cookies. Or I could drive home. But I know I can only do one of the three.


It is four days until Christmas. I want to everything to be right. Clean house. Nice meals. Sweet visits. ........ But I am already tired. My family will surround me with love. Over and over again they will offer to help and take over my duties. I will be grateful more then they will know. But inside I will be crying because my heart wants to be doing for them. They will want to save the day for me, whatever it takes. And they do, over and over.



....Maybe the best gift I can give them is to not break.