Thursday, February 23, 2012
My new year resolutions didn't hold up so well this year. But that doesn't mean I quit. It just means I have to start over.I think the hardest one to keep is the exercising. Just not my cup of tea. But this week I have tagged along with Bob to the gym three times. Even if it was 10pm at night. Tonight I was just too tired. I had a very full day. But hopefully tomorrow he will go again and I will go whenever he goes. I don't like going by myself. When I am there I am not over zealous, but as he says, "Some is better than none."
I do drink my green juice most mornings. I really believe that it gives me the energy I have. And I like it. I can't seem to get anyone else to indulge though. They don't know what they are missing! This morning I had pineapple, spinach, carrot, celery and grapes in my juice.
Facebook is allowed for little bits of time. Mainly because I like seeing what my girls are up to. All four of them have interesting posts. I find out cute things that my grand-babies say. I try to decipher what Margaret and Allison are saying to each other. That can be difficult at times. And I find out what is going on ,on the other side of the world.
Lets see, What were the other resolutions? This doesn't look good if I can't remember what they are, does it.
hmmmmm. All right I need to look back...... Phew!
The last two, maybe I didn't remember them as resolutions because I am being successful.
Being more creative: I have designed my own pocketbook after being so tired of not being to find the perfect one in the store. And now I am designing a credit card holder for a friend who uses a sandwich bag for all her credit cards. Plus I am working on a very special afghan. It will belong to my fourth grand-baby.
And finally growing closer to Jesus. He is so good to me in that I am sure He saw my heart and is blessing me tremendously. Recently He just boldly reminded me how I didn't have to punish myself for my sin because He took the punishment for my sin when He died on the cross. This has been a big, big blessing for me. There is knowing something and then there is knowing something. And although I know He died on the cross for my sin, it just keeps getting more and more real to me. Maybe because I see more and more how much a sinner I am. But that is ok because He has taken care of it all. Amen? Amen!
Well after this brief review I surprise myself! Its not so bad after all.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Before I began doing EFT I was concerned that it would take the place of dependency on God in prayer. Would I instead of praying run to this technique as my God or my Savior? I even voiced my concern to the woman who helped to learn what exactly I was doing. After several sessions I came to agree that the two don't compare. One is spiritual - relating to my God. While the other is physiological - dealing with a specific physical reaction to pain. When I get a cold, I pray to God to intervene and heal me but I also will drink warm tea, take vitamin C and get plenty of rest. So when I become afraid, I go to God but I also tap to slow down my adrenaline and release the emotional hairball I am building up. It is too soon to tell for sure how all this will affect me physically but one can be sure no matter what,To God Be the Glory!
I really want to write a post about fear because it is a very big part of living with TN. But I can't seem to get the feelings to come out into words. Sometimes the fear of the TN is worse than the TN itself. I can rationalize that this is wrong but changing the way I live is harder. Right now all is good. I have mild pain everyday and even some days without any pain. But then the pain will be just a little bit stronger and all the feelings of fear come right back. Will this pain get worse? Will the medicine stop working altogether? What if I have a big attack out in public? What if it doesn't stop?
I know, you can tell me fear is the opposite of trust and when I fear I am not trusting God. And being a Christian this would be sin. And I can believe that when things are good. But when the fear grips me nothing makes sense.
My doctor says the fear is keeping me from letting my body heal. (up until recently I wanted to tell him that I didn't think my body would ever heal). He says we must address the fear. In reality I was grateful for this because when I tell people I am afraid for the most part they don't know what to say to me. Maybe I am being too honest with them or maybe they really don't know how to respond. So when my doctor said we had to deal with the fear to allow my body to heal I was glad. Somebody was actually going to do something about my fear.He wanted me to learn a practice called EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique. I was game, actually looking forward to trying it. I wanted relief from the fear. So after about three weeks of practicing EFT am I still afraid? If I let myself become afraid, YES. But now I have something I can do when that first feeling comes into my mind and my heart starts to race. And so far it calms me down.