Wednesday, March 28, 2012

My grace is sufficient for you.

Each part of life has its lessons that we are to learn.  

I have had a very hard lesson to learn with my face pain. Don't worry about tomorrow. I cannot tell you how often that instead of living in the moment I have allowed myself to live in the fear of what the future would bring. Resisting what I thought might happen. This sounds so absurd to think that I was fighting something that hadn't existed yet. Could I trust God with whatever was to happen? To overcome this was very hard for me. The bottom line is: I did not trust God that He would be sure not to allow anything in my life I could not handle. I didn't trust that He would do what is best for me or better yet that what He thought was best would really be what is best.Or put another way, He would do what I thought was best.  I did not want to be under His authority when it came to my face pain now or in the future.

This is called - submission.

I had to come to a place where I purposely said in my heart, " Ok, God, whatever happens I will trust You." I had to think of the worst and say, "if this is your will for me, I submit".  I remember exactly doing that. I was sitting in my blue chair. Imagining. Imagining pain that wouldn't stop, imagining excruciating pain and saying, " I will trust You with this God. I will trust You. "

 "I will submit"

I have learned to come to the end of my day with thanksgiving in my heart for today. In effect reminding myself I trust Him, that His has given me His best for me today. It has been good. I have peace. 

Lately, I have had days when the pain has been more than usual and I have days where it has been "the usual". And now I am on my seventh day in a row of no pain. And every day has been good, because everyday I have trusted God for what He has for me that day. 

Oh Lord, 
Give me the grace to trust You everyday.

My grace is sufficient for you.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Visit to the Neurologist

So I am sitting here waiting, waiting to leave to go to the neurologist. I don't like going there as all those close to me know. When the neurologist and I converse we travel different directions. He is in one world and I am in another. Its like one of those space shows where you see the space ships traveling at warped speed into different parts of the universe. He speaks Triton and I am speaking plain old English. And so I am not real sure he is on my side.
I decided to go by myself this time instead of dragging Bob along for the visit. I figure he needs to see that when I am not in pain I am a normal 53 year old woman who can handle life. The problem is: this normal 53 year old woman, who can handle life can't handle this neurologist. He knows my question before I get it out. And he answers just as fast. Today I wonder if he is going to wonder what I want. I don't want him to do anything today really. I just want to keep him on the ticket for future reference. If things change. Right now I am having pretty good success with the chiropractor, so why would I want more drugs.
I sit here and think things like - Am I dressed alright? Should I take my meds. in their bottles or should I just the names of the meds? Is my stomach going to explode when I get there? Will he do something stupid like touch my face?
Its a fifteen minute drive but I think I will leave a good 25 minutes early. That will leave enough time for road work and a bathroom run after I get there. 
So I am off! I am taking the bottles because I don't feel like writing all their names down. I won't throw up and  I don't care what he thinks about what I am wearing. So there!