I really want to write a post about fear because it is a very big part of living with TN. But I can't seem to get the feelings to come out into words. Sometimes the fear of the TN is worse than the TN itself. I can rationalize that this is wrong but changing the way I live is harder. Right now all is good. I have mild pain everyday and even some days without any pain. But then the pain will be just a little bit stronger and all the feelings of fear come right back. Will this pain get worse? Will the medicine stop working altogether? What if I have a big attack out in public? What if it doesn't stop?
I know, you can tell me fear is the opposite of trust and when I fear I am not trusting God. And being a Christian this would be sin. And I can believe that when things are good. But when the fear grips me nothing makes sense.
My doctor says the fear is keeping me from letting my body heal. (up until recently I wanted to tell him that I didn't think my body would ever heal). He says we must address the fear. In reality I was grateful for this because when I tell people I am afraid for the most part they don't know what to say to me. Maybe I am being too honest with them or maybe they really don't know how to respond. So when my doctor said we had to deal with the fear to allow my body to heal I was glad. Somebody was actually going to do something about my fear.He wanted me to learn a practice called EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique. I was game, actually looking forward to trying it. I wanted relief from the fear. So after about three weeks of practicing EFT am I still afraid? If I let myself become afraid, YES. But now I have something I can do when that first feeling comes into my mind and my heart starts to race. And so far it calms me down.