Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year Coming

With the New Year just around the corner it is time for me to solidify what my New Year resolutions will be this year. I am a big fan of New Year resolutions because its a good way for me to get back on track doing things I really think I should be doing or doing things I want to be doing but never seem to get a chance to do. For example I really should be exercising but I struggle making it a habit and I really would like to try all those recipes that I have cut out of magazines but never have found the time to do it. 

This year I thought it would be great dear reader to put my resolutions down right here in front of you so I have some accountability. Not that anyone would really ask me how I am doing but I can organize my thoughts here. Here it goes. (Note that these are not necessary in order of importance).

  1. Make a green drink for breakfast every time I am home for breakfast. I have been drinking carrots and kale and cucumber and the such every morning now for about a month and really do have more energy. Got to keep it up.
  2. I tremble to write down this next one..........  Exercise. There I did it. My goal will be to go to the gym three times a week to stretch and work the elliptical. This is a major hurdle for me. I don't like going be myself. I don't like exercise clothes. I just don't like it. 
  3. Purpose to know Jesus more for who He is and not just get caught up in the disciplines that help to do that. 
  4. No Facebook. Time-waster.
  5. Pursue ways that I can be more creative.
I have heard that one should not make too many or else it becomes too hard at trying to keep them. So this year I am stopping at 5 resolutions.

My reader it would be so interesting to see what you are resolved to do.  Am I the only one who makes these things?

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Where am I today?

Its December 27th and I made it through Christmas seemingly pretty well. This party girl was prudent and didn't stay late on Christmas Eve, paced herself on Christmas day and relaxed the day after. And I am feeling pretty good. 

I went to my Chiropractor today. Our visits are going very well. Several weeks ago he gave me nutrition to take because he believes that I probably have infection on the right side of my face due to all the dental work I have had done in the past. About a week ago I began to have a different taste in my mouth. Alright I will be honest, it tastes like nasal mucus in my mouth. There is drainage going on somewhere. As hard as I look I cannot figure out where. My gums look healthy to me. Maybe this is more than you really want to know :) .

He also has been targeting my trigger points with some kind of sound machine. He turns on the machine and runs a wand over my face along the jaw bone. Where the sound becomes a very high frequency he stops and turns on another part of the machine and leaves it on my face for about thirty seconds. It feels like pins and needles to me. Then after thirty seconds he moves on to the next spot.

I also have light therapy. This machine looks like a flashlight which again he runs all along the side of my face and behind my ear. This is suppose to help with inflammation.  

Of course I also get the regular chiropractic treatment of a spinal and cranial adjustment. 

Bottom line: I am feeling better. I have good parts of my day now that I do not have any pain. And it has been a long time since that has happened. 
So here I am on December 27th feeling good.
Praise God!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

pacing, pacing, pacing

I have got to pace myself. We all know that. If I do too much I am tired and hurting. Sometimes I can even break. Then its a long time till I am feeling better.


I feel fragile inside. I am going to break and I know it. It is just a question of how much until I do.

A fight goes on inside me. I want to conquer the world, at least my little part. But I know the consequences.

There are things that demand my attention that I just can't let go by. I feel guilty and imposing to ask others to help. I always feel imposing. I don't want them to have to do that which is mine to do. But I can't do it all. There is the constant decision making of, "Is this something that really needs to be done or can I let it go?" How do I know?

There are the fun things. Most of the time I go to places tired. Or come home tired. I look back on trips we have taken and thoughts run through my head. "I was really tired when we went there!" or "That one wasn't so bad."

Yesterday, I was talking to a lady who lives about two hours away about making Hungarian Christmas cookies. She had shared a recipe and I needed clarification. As the conversation developed we talked about getting together next year to make Linder cookies. I would like to do this. She lives about two hours away. All I could think is how I could never do it. I could drive down there. Or I could spend the afternoon learning how to make cookies. Or I could drive home. But I know I can only do one of the three.

It is four days until Christmas. I want to everything to be right. Clean house. Nice meals. Sweet visits. ........ But I am already tired. My family will surround me with love. Over and over again they will offer to help and take over my duties. I will be grateful more then they will know. But inside I will be crying because my heart wants to be doing for them. They will want to save the day for me, whatever it takes. And they do, over and over.

....Maybe the best gift I can give them is to not break.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

What is good about this disease that I can call my own? Or better said how will God use it in my life for good? In the beginning I would not believe that God had a way to use something so horrible for good. It seemed so contrary to my way of thinking. I could not come to this pain and think how it would be used for good in my life. I could not see it. But as time goes by I can see how I have changed because of this trial that I have and am going through.

1. I have compassion for those who suffer. When someone shares their pain I have learned to care and not take it lightly. I have learned to imagine the best I can what they are going through and take them seriously.

2. I have learned to endure. Endurance is a good thing in and of itself.

3. I have experienced the unconditional love of a good man. Any man can stick with a woman when life is good and bright and cherry. But it takes real love to stand by someone when they are weak and in pain and constantly calling on you to be their strength and care for them. It takes love to stand by someone when day after day they are a problem and sometimes a problem that they can do nothing about. I see that kind of devotion in my husband.

4. I have felt a closeness to my Lord that I don't think I would have known had not I needed Him so much. He has been there in the darkest moments. And I have known His presence.

5. I have a first hand experience of what nerve pain is like. This gives me a clearer picture of His nail pierced hands and feet and the pain of the thorns being pressed down into His head. I have no control over what I feel but my Lord went through that pain willingly for me. I love Him all the more for this.

6. I am glad for heaven, because in heaven there is no pain.

7. I understand what it is to really fear something. I never know when the pain will strike or where I will be. And I understand what it means to take that fear and turn it into trust in God.

8. I have learned to pray for others.

9. I have learned humility.

10. I have experienced the love of others, over and over again.

11. I have learned not to fear the future. Only God knows what the future holds and the worst thing I can do is allow myself to imagine what it might be.

God truly uses all He puts into our life to bring good. Not always easy but always good.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Where Would I Be?

Yesterday I visited my son's church. It was the Christmas service and he was directing it and I wanted to be there. It was a wonderful service, very well done. It helped me to remember the Christmas story through the talent of others.
What touched me most was the man who came up to me during the greeting time and hugged me and shared how he prays for me all the time. A man I barely knew. A friend of my son's but someone I had met maybe once or twice before.
It is not uncommon to for me to see people who aren't in my day to day life but who know me who share how they pray for me.
That is what the Christian church is. Caring for all our brothers and sisters in Christ by taking them to the One who can do the most for them, our Lord Jesus.
I do not want to think what I would be like if people weren't praying for me. I could only imagine a horrible place. God is big and powerful and working in my life.
But this is also very humbling to me. I don't really feel like someone worth praying for and yet God burdens the hearts of others to do exactly that. In actuality, it isn't about me, its about God. They understand and know Him and because of that it only makes sense to take people like me to Him.
He says He hears every prayer. And answers them too.
So thank you to those who pray for me. Thank you for your faithfulness.

praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

Eph 6:18

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


So here is the neurologist story:

Last year I decided it was time to introduce a neurologist into my life. I could stand the pain no longer. I was in terrible pain. Following the rules of the "system" I went to my primary care (who knows me well) first and she referred me to my neurologist. He wasn't willing to see me for quite a number of weeks but my primary care doc. got on the phone to him and so the neurologist would see me in three weeks. Take what you can get.

My primary care doc. took the initiative to put me on carbamazapine for the pain. She could tell I needed help right away. My neurologist wanted me to come with cash in hand since I had no insurance. Not check or charge, cash only. My visit was short and sweet and included a lecture about not having health insurance.

Fast forward to the present. I am on the highest level of carbamazapine and its not working effectively anymore. I call but have no luck getting an appointment with my neurologist until my 6 month follow up.

I will wait.

Last week I got a call from the receptionist of my neurologist. They were cancelling my 6 month follow up so my neurologist could go on vacation. (I understand everyone needs a break sometime.)
"Please call back on Monday to reschedule your visit" I call on Monday to reschedule and am told they have no idea when they can "fit" me in. They will call me back. I am still waiting for that call.

Now I have started to pray for this man because Scripture teaches we should pray for our enemies. I figure God knows this man needs prayer. And He knows I need a different neurologist.